he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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