a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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