he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A+ Viking dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
