I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
