Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
