I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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