Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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