well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if only i could text you this smell
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
