I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
