OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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