Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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