There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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