What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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