my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Randomize
