So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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