Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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