Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my being single is dangerous.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
