literally had 100 drinks last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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