I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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