it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
