I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
