p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
