mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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