If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
