I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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