For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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