hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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