I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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