It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize