I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
