I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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