so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
