I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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