I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
