Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
