Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
