dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
