I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there is puke in my bra ... again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
