I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Someone shit on the floor
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the night ended with taco bell and tears
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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