i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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