if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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