Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
