"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
