Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
