i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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