Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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