Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head