Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.