This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid