He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
