I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start