dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.