Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.