I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.