he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.