remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
