I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
