god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
