so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
