a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
