dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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