It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
