Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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