Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
