Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
