No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
