You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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