he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think I just sharted jello shots
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
