Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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