They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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