Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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