He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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