im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
