i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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