i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
