The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
