So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
